I long for this solitary company,
This hurtful love
And this painful joy
To really stab me to the heart and make me live,
Drain me of all emotion and make me whole
I long for this lonely crowded place
A peaceful war zone I can call home,
A chaos-filled Utopia where noisy, blissful silence reins
This place where love hates and laughter cries.
I long for those broken old wings,
To really snatch me away and soar the ground
So that if I fall I will crash to the skies
And enter into this desolate lovely Paradise
And exist again in this placeless place of my inexistence.
More than anything, I long for those warm uncomforting arms,
To shield my exposed side so as to leave me prone to the world’s cruelties,
So that even if I die, I will still be holding on to my peaceful bitter life
I long for this soft, grating and raspy voice,
To whisper loudly in my deaf ears
To really tell me those words I die to hear,
About this place where I really can’t find love and life.
Please dear love tell me before I leave
About the way you hate me in that loving heart of yours.
So that if yesterday comes I might fall in love with you again
And happily never after, we will love each other hatingly.
Oh how bright this opaque darkness is!
This confusing order of my well arranged mind.
I wish I could voice these deep shallows of my emotional heart
And maybe one day I could untell my virtual lover,
The most hating words one can ever say,
“I love you,”Oh how shamefully I can’t bring myself to say
I will hold on to them until the day I die
Entropy dear, embrace me with your chaotic orderly arms………………